Just saw this inspiring story,hope you will learn from it. Enjoy!!!
When Emeka broke the news to his parents that he
planned to marry a Yoruba lady, they told him that he was
a joker. That would never happen, they said flatly. Was
there a scarcity of nubile damsels in Nnewi and its
environs or in Anambra State and the entire Igboland that
their son would travel across many rivers and many states
to marry a Yoruba girl from Ijebu-Ode? Or, had the girl
bewitched Emeka with “otumokpo” from Ijebu-Ode? She
would not succeed, they concluded. Never!
Weeks after that, nothing was heard about the issue again.
They assumed that the case had been closed. Emeka had
come to his senses, they concluded. But had he?
Two months later, like a bad dream, Emeka brought up the
issue of this Ijebu girl again! This time, his tone was firm.
Despite the threats of the parents, he was not cowed. He
was resolute to the point of obstinacy. Even the tears of
his mother did not move him. His parents concluded their
son was indeed under a spell.
When it became obvious, after many months of dialogue,
pressure, threats, pleas, tears and quarrels that Emeka
was hell-bent on marrying Lola, his parents grudgingly
gave their consent, but the father warned that nobody
should run to him if the marriage went awry. The father
also refused to accompany him to Ijebu-Ode for the
marriage rites, saying that as an elder, it was a taboo for
him to travel far away from home. It did not matter that a
few months before the marriage rites, he had travelled
through Ijebu-Ode on his way to Lagos.
Not only his parents were against the marriage: Out of
Emeka’s three brothers and two sisters, only his younger
sister was on his side. But Emeka overlooked all that and
went ahead with the marriage.
When Lola came into the family, it was obvious that she
was not welcomed. She was just being tolerated. Matters
were not helped by the fact that Emeka had recently
relocated his architecture business from Lagos to Nnewi,
to take advantage of the burgeoning building industry in
the town. And even though he had built his own house, it
was within the same compound where his parents lived. It
was a large compound: All the four sons had their portions
of land within the compound, even though two of them
were not based at home.
Another handicap Lola had was language: Igbo was the
language of the family, but Lola spoke only English and
Yoruba. So, Lola began forcing herself to speak Igbo. Any
time she uttered an Igbo word or sentence, people would
laugh. But her determination and sense of humour
impressed everyone. She also did something that nobody
around her did: she curtsied or knelt down when greeting
elders, especially her husband’s parents, no matter how
hard they protested against such acts. That act and her
accent marked her out as a Yoruba, which made people
treat her like an egg and call her “Iyawo.”
Most mornings, Lola would go early to the quarters of her
husband’s parents, greet them, tidy up their rooms and
collect their clothes for washing. She would ensure that
Papa and Mama had their meals. She asked her mother
in-law to teach her how to cook all local meals. Mama
was eager to teach her, and she learnt fast. Any time Papa
or Mama complained of backache, rheumatism or fever,
Lola ensured that they got medical treatment. Most
evenings, she would spend some time with them, either
alone or in the company of her husband, before retiring to
bed. Her brother in-law’s wife sneered that she was
shamelessly trying to buy love with her boot-licking
tactics. But Lola was not bothered about that.
Less than a year after Lola came into the family, the music
changed. Emeka’s parents, especially the father, never
completed a sentence without mentioning “Iyawo.” He
would tell anyone who cared to listen, including the wives
of his other three sons, that if it was not for Iyawo, he
would have long died.
Today, Lola speaks Igbo, or rather Nnewi, like a daughter
of the soil. As far as Emeka’s parents are concerned,
“Iyawo” can do no wrong. Even when Emeka complains
about her before his parents, they will not let him finish
before warning him never to do anything that will hurt that
“peace-loving girl.”
Unknown to everyone, before Lola left her parents’ home,
she fortified herself for any eventuality, having known that
her husband’s family were not happy about the marriage.
Her parents had also done all they could to dissuade her
from marrying an Igbo man, but their words fell on her like
water on the back of a duck. So she knew she had a major
battle to face in her new home. Failure was not an option,
for if the marriage failed or proved unhappy, her parents
would give her the I-told-you treatment. Consequently,
before leaving for Nnewi, she boiled herself in a pot of
charm. Then, she etched the charm on her face, tongue
and heart. The power in the charm was meant to
automatically make anyone around her to like her. Anyone
she smiled at or talked to was meant to be charmed by
her.
What is the name of that charm and how much does it
cost? The name of the charm is simple: Genuine love for
others. It costs nothing to buy. No medicine-man is
needed to prepare or administer it. It has no overdose.
Everyone can prepare it. Everyone can administer it: At
home, in the office, on the street, in the market. Its result
on people is magical. Nobody can resist its effect,
including “wicked mothers in-law” and “impossible
bosses.” Fortunately, it is available in all parts of the
world: In Ijebu-Ode or Nnewi, Zaria or Ikot-Ekpene, New
York or Kabul.
Brides and brides-to-be must realise that even though in-
laws may seem difficult to deal with, they are human
beings with flesh and blood. Parents – especially mothers
– want to cling to their sons as long as possible. Parents
are naturally suspicious and even envious of “an outsider”
– who did not participate in bearing, nurturing and raising
of their child – coming to take that child away. To them,
the wife is a stranger who may have a selfish agenda to
destroy the peace, unity and love existing in that family.
It is the duty of the wife not to breeze into the family with
an antagonistic stance. Rather, she should reassure her
in-laws – through her words and actions – that she has
not come to “take away” their son and brother or to
destabilise the family, but that she has come in – like a
new baby born into the family – to increase the family’s
love, peace, unity and happiness.
Everybody wants to be loved, appreciated and respected.
When love is shown (over a period of time) to even
untamed animals like the bear, leopard, chimpanzee,
hyena, etc, they respond with friendliness. Human beings
have the capacity to even respond better than animals
when shown love.
The rule in all human relations is that you get what you
give. If you smile a lot at people, you receive smiles. If you
are cold to people, you receive coldness and more. If you
love to help others, you receive help and love. Therefore,
those who go about demanding and expecting love, care,
and respect from others may get disappointed, but those
who first give love, care, and respect to others usually
receive them manyfold. Showing genuine love to others is
a potent charm that works like magic.
Azuka Onwuka
